The Leopold Conundrum
by WeBuiltThePyramids
Summary: A scenario that proves that Sheldon's lie was not in fact "un-unwravelable." T for possible language only.
1. The Unfortunate Circumstance

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters; all belong to CBS.

"Well, here we are," Leonard said, entering the cafeteria first. "The university's banquet hall, also and more commonly known as the cafeteria."

Penny looked around. Aside from the absence of tables and the presence of many well-dressed men and women, it looked the same as it had when she'd visited with David Underhill. The cafeteria's machines were shut down, replaced by a long table of bagels, cheeses, and fruits. "Nice," she offered. Since Leonard had invited her to go to the university's employee dinner, she'd worried about mingling with a roomful of people of his intellect. The fact that the cafeteria didn't look much different was a secret relief.

Leonard sighed. "I…know it's not much." He looked down at his feet, and Penny squeezed his arm. Smiling at her, he scanned the crowd. "Try to spot Raj and Howard."

Penny looked around. So many people were here, and she knew none of them. Were they all physicists, as smart as Leonard? She finally spotted a familiar face at the end of the food table. "There's Wolowitz." Sliding her hand down Leonard's arm, she found his hand and led him over.

Wolowitz greeted them in Klingon. That she managed to pick up on the language he was using surprised Penny. "Holy crap on a cracker," she said, half to herself.

"What?" Leonard looked at her curiously.

"Nothing." Penny toyed with her hands as she looked around. There were so many people! Bits of conversation drifted toward her, and she picked up words such as _dark matter, electron laser, _and _benzene ring_. Not a single word she understood. God, she felt so uncomfortable here!

She suddenly noticed Raj and Howard looking at her oddly, and realized that aside from holding his hand, she was gripping Leonard's arm with her other hand and leaning on him. His left leg angled out in an effort to balance himself as he continued talking gesticulating with his free hand to help describe something.

Penny's purse had slid off her shoulder, and when she hunched her shoulders to correct it, Leonard wobbled and nearly fell. "I'm sorry!" Penny steadied him. She needed to get out of there. "I…have to use the bathroom. I'll be right back, okay?" Leonard nodded, and she kissed him quickly on the cheek before scooting out of the cafeteria. Glancing behind her, she speed walked down the hall to where she knew the bathroom was. Sliding inside, she locked the door and pulled herself up to sit on the counter. Her heart was racing, and her head was spinning. Why did she feel so uncomfortable? She knew that Leonard was okay with her not being as smart as he was, and he couldn't be ashamed of her, since he invited her here.

She craned her head around to look in the mirror. She was pale and sweating lightly, but otherwise she looked okay. Sliding off of the table, she splashed water on her face and dried it. At least she didn't look like she was having a panic attack anymore. She decided that she'd better go out and rejoin Leonard.

She opened the door and exited the bathroom, walking quickly up the hall. Now she couldn't remember how to get back to the cafeteria. As she passed a hallway, she thought that she'd overshot her destination, and spun to correct herself.

"Careful, Toby!"

Penny looked behind her to see a janitor looking her way, and a split second later collided with someone headed in the opposite direction that she was. They both lost their balance and fell to the floor.

"Sorry," she said, picking herself up and offering her hand to the small man on the floor. "My fault, totally."

"It's okay," he said, getting up and shaking her hand while glancing at his dusty shirt. "Toby Loobenfeld."

Her eyes widened in recognition. "Leo?"

He did a double take. "Uh-oh."


	2. The Reluctant Explanation

**I did my best with this. I know that Toby is a pretty smooth talker, but I figured he'd be too flustered in this situation to be able to make up anything.**

They stared at each other for a moment, and then Penny spoke. "Okay, I'm a little confused."

"Um…I'm not feeling all that great myself," he said, avoiding eye contact. He was dressed nicer than he had been when she'd met him before, but his hair was still sticking up and making him look the part of a drug addict. "I…I have to go." He gave her a nervous looking smile.

"Wait," Penny said as he tried to scamper off An observation she had just made was bothering her, as was the man's introduction. _Toby Loobenfeld…looked the part of a drug addict…_looked _the part…_. "You need to explain something to me."

"I…really don't think that I do…" He glanced off, obviously wishing that he was anywhere but there.

"Yes you do. It's one simple question. What is your name?"

"Leopold Huston."

Penny put her hand on her forehead. "Ugh." She looked at him. "I may not be as smart as all of the people here, but if I can remember Farmenfarmien, then I can remember that Cousin Leo's last name is _Houston._"

"I changed it. Trying to break away from the childhood trauma, you understand. Sheldon got me a job here."

Penny scoffed. "Do you think I'm stupid? Really? Why are you here? Where is Cousin Leo?"

Toby was clearly uncomfortable. "He's…he's not…Sheldon never told me you'd be coming here. He said that it would be a one-time thing."

"What would be a one-time thing?" Penny was in his face, like she'd been in Leonard's face, Sheldon's face, Howards…many times when she'd gotten mad. Most of those times had been her going off about something simple, but this time, _this_ time, she had a feeling that she was rightly angry.

Toby wrung his hands. "I'm digging myself a hole, aren't I?"

"Sounds like it," Penny said. "Though I can't imagine what you could be trying to hide. Why were you impersonating Cousin Leo? Was he a mess and Sheldon couldn't admit that he'd failed to help him? What happened to him? Is he okay?"

Toby sighed. He leaned against the wall and rested his head against it. "There…is no Cousin Leo. It…was an act. A lie. It was…why am I even telling you this? Sheldon will kill me."

Penny straightened up to her full height, not tall, but tall enough. "Toby, or whoever you are, Sheldon is not here. Just tell me: _What are you talking about?" _Why is there no Leo?"

He couldn't hold her gaze. "I'm just the messenger. This wasn't my idea, understand?"

"Okay. I understand. Not your idea…fine." Penny tried to sound patient. "Just tell me."

"Sheldon got me to come to the apartment and pretend to be drug addicted Leo. He'd made him up as an excuse not to go to some show of yours, since…" He hesitated, and then spoke quickly, more quickly than Penny had ever heard Sheldon speak. "Since they didn't want to hurt your feelings and let you know that they didn't like your singing." He bolted down the hallway, leaving Penny standing there in shock. She had a hand to her mouth, the other hand holding her wrist. She watched Toby go as she took in his words. _It was a lie…didn't like your singing…_she spun on her heel and went back to the bathroom. Staring into the mirror at her shaking hands and tearing eyes, she wondered who else had known. Obviously Raj and Howard, and this Toby guy…who else? How many people had they told? Were the people in the cafeteria laughing at her behind her back, knowing how stupid she was. She had trusted them, all of them. Sheldon hadn't needed to go so far in his lie…she'd believed them right away because…because she thought they'd cared about her. Why would they _do_ something like this?

**Sorry it took me a while to get this up, it was the last week of the card marking at school. This is also my third draft…I had an idea of how it was going to go but when I wrote it out it was so stupid. This is the version I'm going with, and chapter three will probably be up in a few days. Review please!**


	3. The Soliloquy Resolution

**So this is probably a lame way to end this, but I really ran out of ideas. I was afraid if I waited too long to finish it, I'd abandon the story altogether. So this is what I'm going with. I own nothing.**

Leonard had just stepped out into the hall when he noticed Penny hurrying toward him. "Hey, there you are!" He exclaimed. "I was wondering where you…what's wrong?" She wasn't as pale as she had been when she'd rushed out of the cafeteria, but her expression was certainly…different. "Where were you?"

"I was in the bathroom," she said. "And you'll never guess who I ran into on my way back." She paused a moment. "Toby Loobenfeld."

"Toby Looben…oh, crap." She raised her eyebrows and cocked her head. Obviously she expected him to say something, to explain himself, but Leonard found himself unable to articulate anything. "Aaaaaaah…um…"

"You lied to me, Leonard," she said, as if she couldn't believe it. "You and Sheldon both."

"Penny, we were only trying to…"

She shook her head sharply, silencing him. It was a good thing she did, because Leonard was feeling so awkward that he was trailing off anyway. God, it had been years since that that little incident. He'd totally forgotten about it, and here it was, the truth surfacing to throw their carefully formulated lie into the open. And it didn't take a socially skilled individual to know that Penny was not happy.

"Dr. Leonard Hofstadter…" Penny said, looking him sternly in the eye. "All I asked of you was to go to a simple one-night performance of mine. And instead, you decided to lie your way out of it. Why didn't you just tell me you didn't like my singing? Don't answer, I know why. I would have either gotten hopping mad or it would have hurt my feelings, probably a little bit of both."

Leonard was terribly confused. A soliloquy? Now?

"Toby told me about Sheldon's plan," Penny said. "And at first I was hurt. I started crying, to be honest, but then I started thinking. It wasn't really the singing thing that bothered me, it was the extravagant lie. I trusted you guys so much, you know. I believed you when you said you had that symposium on…um…well, not important. It was the whole drug-addicted cousin lie that hurt me now, years after the incident. And that…" she tapped his nose with her pointer finger, "was Sheldon's lie, not yours."

Leonard sighed. "I should have just gone. I'm sorry."

"Oh, don't be sorry," she said. "My singing sucks. I kinda got that impression when all but two guys left the performance! And after all that, you had to watch me anyway!" She laughed. "It's one of those things that you can laugh about, years later."

This wasn't what Leonard had expected to come out of this conversation at all. "Yeah. I guess it is."

"So what are you waiting for?" Penny said. "Let's find Sheldon and pound him, and then I want to forget about this entire incident. How _embarrassing_!"

Leonard watched her head back into the cafeteria, still confused. Then he shrugged. He didn't need to analyze _everything,_ did he? She may have been angry had she found out at the time, but now Penny was brushing it off, and that was all that mattered.

"Come on!" She urged. "You need to help me beat up Sheldon!"

Like she would beat up Sheldon. Leonard knew she'd probably tell him off, and then he'd get defenseive…heck what _was_ he waiting for, anyhow?

Sheldon and Penny fights were pretty dang funny, after all.

**Okay, that's it. Sorry if I disappointed anyone! Reviews would be nice, though… **


End file.
